Fighter and Black Mage Hang out in a Cave
by Captain not a troll
Summary: A short one-shot fanfic about Figher and Black Mage from 8 Bit Theater getting trapped by a behemoth in a cave.


"Fighter, we don't know where we are, what day it is, where anybody we know is, or how we're going to escape from being tied upside-down in this cave. Your brief stint as leader was definitely not successful. The only good thing about this is that maybe the behemoth will eat you first and I'll get to watch it eat your face off," grumbled the cloaked, malnourished man hanging by his legs from the top of the cave.

"Don't be silly, Black Mage. We're heroes; something's sure to come along and save us. We'll be back on our feet questing in no time," replied Fighter, hanging from the other side of the cave with a grin plastered across his childlike face.

"Fighter, I've got a fun thing we can do until the behemoth comes to eat us. Let's play the quiet game."

"Oh boy, I am so gonna beat ya BM!" Fighter lovingly thought of his past times playing the quiet game with his bestest buddy, Black Mage. His favorite part was always when he would find himself unable to stop from saying how great pals they were, and Black Mage would stab him in the face.

Black Mage hung there, thinking about how much he hated the world. As he daydreamed about stabbing all his friends, a smile crept onto his shaded black face. This lasted about half a minute before he heard a voice coming from the other side of the cave.

"Fighter..." Black Mage thought to himself, "If you say so much as a word I will use all my spell charges to destroy you, and then I will stab your corpse until my arm falls off."

"Hey Black Mage!" yelled Fighter, bored almost to death by having to go without talking for such a long time, "Do you ever think about whether or not clouds look down and see shapes in the ground?"

"Yes, Fighter. I think about that _all the time," _replied Black Mage, his eyes beginning to crackle with the sound of an incoming bolt 3 spell.

"Wow, cool. I think about it a lot too."

"I hate you."  
Fighter giggled to himself at Black Mage's joke, glad that they were so close they could joke about each other like that.

Three hours passed. Black Mage slowly began to lose feeling in his legs, arms, and finally head. For a second, he wondered if perhaps this really would be the end for him and Fighter.

At that moment there was a rumbling sound, as of someone trampling the ground. It was then that the behemoth ran into the cave, roaring. Its purple mouth opened to reveal its many jagged teeth, and it ran towards Black Mage, anticipating its next meal.

It was then that a giant axe pierced through the creature's head, splitting it in half. A flury of arrows then poured into the cave, about half of them hitting the creature and the rest stabbing various parts of Black Mage.

"Black Mage, this is the Kashuon police. You are wanted for one-hundred seventy-six counts of first degree murder, fourty accounts of second degree-murder, extortion, bribery, entering the city under false pretenses, corruption of a minor, indecent exposure, and, after accepting a job to help destroy the corrupt emperor's deathship, murdering both the rest of the party and the crew of the ship, then sailing it around the sky raining death upon innocent civilians." The head policeman cut down Black Mage, and put him in handcuffs. The 20-man police force then escorted him out.

Five minutes later, Black Mage stood alone outside a cave, depleted of a day's worth of spells but richer by the amount of whatever 20 policemen would have in their pocket in addition to what the meat from twenty full grown men would fetch on the goblin black market. This amount, of course, was however much money the goblins had on them when Black Mage got angry and decided to slaughter them all.

Fighter was still in the cave.

Black Mage thought of Fighter slowly starving to death in the cave by himself, and chuckled a bit. All he had to do was walk away and just not go in the cave, and he would be rid of the idiot forever, never to see Fighter again, free to wander by himself without the constant annoyance of Fighter's face constantly smiling at him, and the never-ending onslaught of Fighter's "helpful observations."

Black mage hesitated for a bit, then turned around and went back in the cave.


End file.
